Well since I last filed you in, I’ve notified my parents and brother and sister. They were quietly surprised. It was nice on my end to not have to deal with lots of emotion. I’m trying to stay positive and move on to the future I want that’s cancer free and lots of emotion from those who love you, does not help in maintaining the mindset. It’s almost like you have to help them. ARGH!
Later I received a couple nice emails from them letting me know they’re there if I need them. My father wrote the best one. He will be having surgery a week before me , so we’ll be on the recover road together. Never though about having someone running parallel with you on the recovery side, but I can see distinct benefits. This will also be a good time to reconnect. Imagine that, bonding over surgery and recovery, HA!!
All my family is some distance away from me so I called everyone. Traveling would have been silly, but I wondered if telling them in person would be easier or harder. Hugs are always nice, but I can see it being more difficult if the person is right in front of you.
Yesterday I spoke to some close friends after we saw a movie. I was pretty nervous, although not sure why. Maybe it was because this was the first time I spoke about the possibility of cancer to someone in person. Maybe they would think less of me? Really, you have these thoughts, but I know I would never think that of someone who shared with me what I shared with my friends. And they are friends.
Isn’t it silly how our mind creates possibilities for us that would likely not occur in others minds?
Well I just got back from my morning gratitude walk and surprise, surprise, I felt great about everything. I know I will beat this. It’s a feeling I have deep inside, not sure I can really explain, other than it’s my true inner self that comes to me in challenging times. After 50+ years, I can say I’ve had a few.
Last night we had lots of rain and the roads and sidewalks were pretty wet, but the air was clear. I felt like raising my hands to the sky to say “I’m so powerful. I will take this on and be better for it!” While it was still pretty dark and lots of shadows, I felt like I was walking among friends.
Today I need to schedule my hysterectomy and later I will call my parents. Not a conversation I want to have. It will be challenging for all of us, but I know in my deep self that I will be alright.
How do you tell those important to you about something like this? “Hi Mom, just wanted to tell you I went to see my brand new oncologist yesterday because I likely have uterine cancer.” Guess there will be several of these conversations now.
Just found out I have “something, something that’s precancerous in my non-functional uterus. I had the ovaries removed a couple years ago because I have a history of ovarian cancer in my family, but was totally knocked off guard with this diagnosis!
Got a call while on vacation with family and friends that I should schedule an appointment with my OB/GYN for biopsy results as soon as possible. I thought ‘can’t be good news if they want to see me that quickly. ‘
After my doctor explained everything, she pulled out another piece of paper and asked if I had time to go to the OBGYN Oncologist (didn’t know they even had this kind of doctor!) today, they already set up an appointment….whoa, this must be really bad or they really like me. I prefer to think about the later as being the reason.
I promptly called my husband on the way home and asked him if he wanted to join me that afternoon to see the oncologist. Imaging that. Getting a call from your wife, “Honey, do you want to join me for a meeting with my new oncologist this afternoon?” What a hoot!!
I decided to start a blog…finally. I always wondered what I could have enough to talk about that someone would want to read what I had to say, particularly with all the stuff that’s already out there, but, hey, I know now!
I decided literally in the middle of the night to do this because I’m sure there are lots of people that are wondering what goes through the head of someone who just found out they may have cancer. Well, if you follow this one, you’ll find out along with me.
I’m guessing some of these postings will be one word or less and range up to ‘rambling’ in length. I personally don’t like to read lots of words and I don’t think my writing will be much different. I anticipate I will feel lots of different things, but I think each post will be entertaining and rather blunt. It’ll probably not have lots of pretty pictures, but plenty of emotions. Maybe even some irony.
Should be an interesting ride…